Of Firetrucks and Stocking Stuffers

I left home for work today at eight thirty in the morning. I had six hours of class at the high school, three in the morning and three after lunch. When I finished I went and picked up my daughter from school and then took her home. I had supper at home with my family. And then I had to leave for work again.

A package arrived from Canada today. It was a box of Christmas presents, one each for my wife and me but mostly for our children. My son and my daughter each opened one; my daughter got a baseball glove, my son a Lego fire truck set. My boy being the way he is opened it up right away and started working on it. He wanted me to help him, he asked me to help him. I told him I couldn't; I had to leave for work. He asked why I had to go to work. I didn't -- I don't -- have a good answer.

During class this morning somebody mentioned something about receiving gifts from Santa Claus. At that time I suddenly realised that my wife and I had forgotten to get stocking stuffers for the kids. So tonight after I finished class I went to the store to get some gifts for the kids from Santa.

I shouldn't be going to the store, I shouldn't be doing the Christmas shopping. That's not because I think my wife should be doing all the shopping, it's because I'm terrible at shopping. I never know what to buy anybody. But somebody has to do it and it has to be done tonight. My wife doesn't have a chance to do it, so it has to be me. And so, because I had to go shopping when I finshed work, it was almost ten thirty when I got home.

I leave home for work at eight thirty in the morning. I'm home for a quick supper in the evening and then I don't get home again until almost ten thirty at night. That's fine; I can accept that. I might not like it, but I can accept it. That's my responsibility. That's my job, that's my work, and my family depends on me to make money. That's life.

But what I don't understand is why I can't be at home to be with my family at night. What I really don't like is why I can't be there with my boy to help with something. Why?

I feel so bad. I feel like I’m letting them down. I just want to be there with my children; I just want to be there to help them. I’ve gone to work all day, why can't I stay home with my family at night?

Can anybody tell me why?

Children or Cycling

This morning over breakfast I asked my wife about what was going on this Sunday. I knew she had something to do, and I wanted to see when she would be leaving how long she would be gone, and whether or not the kids were going with her.

"Are you going biking this Sunday?" she asks me; "I don't know," I answer, "if they're going with you, then I will but if they're staying here with me, then I can't."

That's one of the adorable things about my wife. Even though it's been almost seven years since we became parents, she still doesn't quite understand one simple thing.

Yes, I do want to ride my bike as much as I can. Yes, I do wonder about when I can next get on my bike. Yes, I do spend a lot of my down time — such as when I'm going somewhere on the scooter or driving the car and can't really do anything else other than think about something — contemplating whether or not I can get out on the weekend or on this or that day and if I can, how much time do I have and where I can go. But I am also thinking that I can only go out if it's okay with her and I don't have to look after children.

The way I look at it is this way. If she is okay with looking after them by herself or if she is taking them somewhere, then I can go for a bike ride. I do not think Well, I want to go for a bike ride, so she will have to take care of the kids. Looking after and being with my children comes first.

Last Saturday I came home from work shortly after five in the evening. My wife wasn't feeling well; when I got home there was a message on my phone from her asking if I could take the kids out for supper. She was already asleep in bed and she stayed that way all night. There was a nice group ride the next morning that I had been planning on doing and been anticipating for a long time. So Sunday morning I woke up early hoping to go on that ride. I had my cycling kit all ready to go. When I got up my wife was already awake. I guess she slept enough the day before. Knowing she hadn't been feeling well the day before, I asked her if I could go or if I should stay home. She told me I should stay home. So I did, even though I really wanted to go on that ride.

And still my wife doesn't understand that no matter how much I want to ride my bike, my family always comes first.

Is it Christmas?

Christmas is less than a week away. But I have to keep reminding myself of that.

There is no snow. It’s cool, but not cold. There is no holiday coming up. (In fact, I have to work Christmas Even and Christmas Day and the only reason I don’t have to work Boxing Day is that I don’t have any classes on Fridays.) In short there is no Christmas spirit.

We do have a tree and gifts. Except my wife thought our old tree was too much of a hassle — to hard to get out and put away and too difficult to put together — and so she went and bought two small trees instead.

But still, there’s no real feeling of Christmas. I have to keep reminding myself that Christmas is coming. It’s hard to get in a Christmas spirit when there’s no Christmas decorations everywhere like there is in Canada. It’s hard to think about Christmas when Christmas Day is just another work day.

But this is Taiwan. There is no Christmas here. (People in Canada may be shocked to hear that, but it’s true. Christmas is not a universal event.) So I’m not really complaining. I’ve gotten used to it.

No, my point with this is not to lament the lack of Christmas spirit or the loss of a holiday. No, my point with this is to explain something to my family and friends in Canada.

Maybe you have wondered why in the past — or this year — that I didn’t express any wishes or gifts or anything for Christmas. Were you expecting me to send a card or an e-mail; were you expecting me to call or wish you “merry Christmas” on Facebook? If or when I didn’t, were you disappointed? Were you wondering if I had forgotten about you? Were you upset with me?

Well, the simple truth is that I didn’t really forget about you. It’s just that with the lack of Christmas spirit and all the other stuff that goes along with Christmas in Canada, the idea of Christmas just slips my mind. Honestly. As I said, I have to keep reminding myself that Christmas is coming. By the time I realise that Christmas is coming it’s too late. By the time I think about possibly sending cards to people in Canada it’s too late to send them. Unless I wanted them to arrive sometime in January.

Consider this: We will likely start opening our gifts this weekend, the weekend before Christmas, and continue opening one or two on selected days going, quite possibly to the weekend after Christmas. A total break from tradition, I know, but what else can we do? On both Christmas Eve and Christmas Day I have to work all day and my children have to go to school. After we wake up, eat breakfast, and get ready for school I won’t see them again late at night and when I do I’ll only have time to say “hi” to them before they have to go to bed. It’s a school night, after all. There’s no time on those days to open presents. So we do what we can and open them when we have the chance.

So even though we have a tree and we have presents (except for my wife because I never know what to get her — any ideas?) there is no real feeling of Christmas here. So it’s not that I’ve forgotten you over the Christmas season, it’s that I’ve forgotten Christmas.

But I can, right now at least, wish you a merry Christmas. (At least I think I can. From what I’ve been hearing, I’m not sure if I’m allowed to say that anymore or not.)

Rude Service

Usually when I go into a store to buy something I like to look for it myself. I don't like to ask someone where it is because I feel that looking around is much easier. Maybe I'm strange, but that's just the way I feel.

The other night I went into a drug store to buy something and as I was looking around for it the clerk asked me -- in English -- if she could help me. (Since I live in Taiwan, it's unusual to have someone speak English; most people would speak Mandarin -- or nothing at all -- to me.) Her pronunciation wasn't great, but there was nothing really wrong with her English. Still, I find it much easier to deal with other people in Mandarin rather than English. One of the reasons for that is that I don't like the assumption that just because I am white -- and therefore not Taiwanese -- that I am unable to speak Mandarin. Another reason is that my Mandarin is usually much better than other people's English. Not always, but chances are that if you are working as a clerk in a store -- and not at a professional job like something in a hospital, large office, or English school -- then my Mandarin in better than your English. So I told her what I wanted in Mandarin.

Now here's where we get interesting.

The clerk calls out to the pharmacist what I want and he goes to get it. I tell him I want two and he brings back two bottles. As he does do he says what it is, which isn't unusual, but how he said it was. The way he said was in Mandarin but with an inflection void of intonation. (Chinese is a tonal language, but many people misunderstand what they means. They think there are tones in Chinese, but it isn't tones, it's intonation. The same sound can have an entirely different meaning depending on whether the voice rises or falls while saying it.) The clerk then started doing the same thing.

They were, essentially, making fun of me and my Chinese. And I told them just as much.

The clerk then tried to engage me in conversation -- in English -- but I basically ignored her. I was quite insulted and upset. Finally I told her -- in Mandarin -- to just give me what I wanted.

This kind of behaviour is, quite honestly, very common. This happens to me quite often, but usually the people who do it are younger, people like children and teenagers. It most often happens in class when my students speak Chinese and I ask them to speak in English. They then repeat what they said but in a flat voice, as if they think that Mandarin spoken without intonation automatically makes it English.

That is quite annoying -- and I let my students know it isn't funny or appreciated -- but it is understandable when one considers the age and maturity of the people doing it. But to have adults do it is another thing entirely. And not just adults, but adults who work in the service industry. And not just that, but one of them -- the one who started it even -- is a pharmacist, a person who I would assume to be educated and at least semi-intelligent. Maybe I am wrong with that assumption, though.

If I can, I will be avoiding that particular drug store in the future. If they're going to treat me like that, I am not going to give them my business. I'll take my money somewhere else. I don't appreciate their attempts at humour.

Being Treated as Air

(A little background information, in case you weren’t aware of this: I am a Canadian living in Taiwan. My wife is Taiwanese and both of our children were born here. As well as my first language of English, I have also become quite fluent in Mandarin Chinese in the twelve-plus years I have been living here. I am quite capable of carrying on a conversation with anybody about anything here. The person mentioned below knows this -- or at least should know this because I have spoken with her before.)
As posted on my Facebook page: 如果我一天不想在台灣繼續住下去的話，原因就是我受不了別人認為我是空氣。
This afternoon my wife, my daughter, and I went to pick up my son from school. As we were standing there waiting for the children to be let out, one of the teachers came out to tell us – or I at least thought it was “us” – something good that my son had done that day. I was holding on to my daughter and my wife was standing right beside me. The teacher came out and started telling my wife – not me, apparently – what had happened. The interesting thing that I noted was that her eyes were focused on my wife and my wife only. They didn't register me at all. It was as if I wasn't there. To make matters worse, as they were talking, both the teacher and my wife turned their bodies to look at my son who was across the yard playing. In doing so they essentially turned their backs to me and left me standing behind them. I was effectively eliminated from the conversation.
That in itself isn't very nice, I think, and left me feeling quite strange. The big thing, however, is that the school my son goes to is a little special. They are taught the basic concepts of Buddhism and Confucianism. One of the things they are taught is that the family unit is very important. In particular, children there are taught that one's parents are very important and need to be respected. For example, all the students are expected to bow and say hello to every parent – including their own – that they see.
Should that doctrine not also extend to the teachers as well? If we as adults want children to behave a certain way, should we not act that way ourselves? As such, should the teachers not also respect the parents of the students there? One way, I would think, to show that respect is not to pretend or in any way give the impression that one parent is not even there. Because that's the way it felt to me as I was standing there. I got the feeling that that teacher didn't even know I was there, even though I was standing right beside the person she did know was there.

Love or Loathe?

I don't know whether this person really likes my post or hates it, but either way this person cant' spell.
> i read your article and loave it so much ,thank you so much.

Classroom Rules

1. Speak English. Do not speak Chinese, Taiwanese, or anything else.

2. Listen. Pay attention. Do not talk to your classmates.

3. Look at the teacher when he is talking and when you are talking to him. Maintain eye contact.

4. Answer all questions. Be active.

        A) If you don't know the answer to a question, you can say, "I don't know."

        B) If you don't understand the question, you can say, "I don't understand."

        C) If you didn't hear the question, you can say, "Say it again, please."

5. Bring your books to class. No book, no chair.

6. Have your book and a pencil case on your desk. Nothing else.

7. Do not do homework in class or any other writing or drawing.

8. Do not put your head on your desk. Do not sleep in class.

9. Keep notes.

        A) If the teacher writes something on the board, write it in you book.

        B) If you don't have a book, write things in a notebook or on paper.

1. 10. Be respectful and polite to everyone.

Did I forget anything? Please let me know.